We all have people in our lives that feel compelled to share their opinions with us. No, “compelled” isn’t the right word… It is more like if they don’t tell us what they think about what we should do, the opinion god will immediately cut off their tongues for being so selfish as to keep it to themselves for even a second. So you see, they MUST share it. And when that ring gets placed on your beautifully manicured finger, watch out, because the opinions in their good-intentioned minds just multiplied by one hundred thousand. Never mind that you have a vision. Never mind that you have been planning this day for as long as you can remember. When it comes to your mother, mother-in-law, cousin, aunt, friend, foe, colleague, and cat, you will be bulldozed with orders disguised as suggestions. And if you are thinking to yourself “No, my family and friends are pretty low key, and they just want me to be happy,” well then count your blessings. But for those of you who aren’t as fortunate, here are some easy and polite ways to manage all of those sweet “suggestions” all the while staying true to you.
First things first, you need a few lines ready to be fired off in your arsenal. Here are my favorites: “That’s a great idea! I’ll have to think about that.” “Gosh, you are full of good suggestions!” “What a fun thought!”… Notice that all of these validate their idea without accepting it. The key is to make them feel so good about mentioning it that they don’t realize you are politely brushing it off.
Now for the pushy peeps that follow up your line with something along the lines of “But seriously,” or “It’s going to look great,” (as if you accepted it). Here are some more weapons… I mean sentences:
If they are not yet married you can say, “You’ll have to use that for your wedding because I have locked down a concept.” If they have already taken the holy stroll down the marital lane, then stick with the last part, “I have already locked down a concept.” It doesn’t matter that it is only locked down in your mind, because “locked down” sounds so contractual and official that it should deter them.
Another great tool for these situations is redirecting. “Oh silly me, I forgot to brush my luscious hair this morning! I need to go do that right this moment.” or “Wow, I never noticed what beautiful eyes you have! Do they run in your family? Tell me every detail about your family!” Mastering the art of redirecting, also referred to as “swerving,” will serve you well in life.
Keep in mind, that people share because they care! If they didn’t care about you and your wedding, they most likely wouldn’t give it a second thought. So, every time you receive another opinion on your event, try saying to yourself “Aww they care!” You can acknowledge how much you value their opinion (whether you actually do or not) without taking it. The more you remind yourself of the fact that they care, the easier it will become to appreciate their suggestions. And when it’s all said and done, you will have a wedding that reflects who you are and a full guest list because you didn’t burn bridges while sticking to your vision. Bravo!
Photo by Samantha Hurley
