How many times do you think you’ve heard the phrase “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself”? I know I’ve heard it over and over again, in fact, many people including friends have told me that before I got into my current relationship, let alone before marriage.
In all honesty though, I just don’t think that’s always the case. Don’t get me wrong, this, of course, is in cases where you’ve found your soulmate, with someone you can trust with your entire being. But I’ve loved myself more and more the longer me and my partner are together. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean this works with everyone. You attract what you are and vis versa.
Here’s how to check in with yourself before you say yes:
1. Do you feel like you’re safe?
Such a general question but also such an important one. Do you feel safe and secure with your partner? Do you know that if you mess up, they’ll have your back? Do you know that you are never alone? This is what safety is to me. It’s the sense of never feeling alone in anything I do. Even in my toughest times, I’ll always have someone by my side. Having support from any of your loved ones is indescribable, it’s knowing you can be vulnerable at any time you need.
2. Have I grown in this relationship?
I cannot stress enough how important it is to truly look back at yourself in the past and see how much you’ve grown since the beginning of your relationship. Really studying and understanding yourself is absolute key. Knowing what makes you happy or knowing what doesn’t make you happy are great examples. Which brings me nicely into number 3.
3. Do you understand yourself?
Can you ever truly understand yourself? Through and through? I’m really not sure. However, I know that you can feel more YOU than you’ve ever felt. You can understand why you feel certain ways and you can understand your reactions. Understanding yourself is a lifelong journey and who knows if you ever fully will! But isn’t that just so exciting? You can have your best friend with you on that journey as you both discover the best and worst parts of yourselves. Sometimes, finding your soulmate can help push that desire along, making you want to be better for your future or even for them, more importantly for yourself.
Of course, there are so many other things that you can ask yourself or check in with yourself before you say “I do”. It truly is about perspective and who and what you want to attract into your life. I’ve worked immensely hard on becoming the best version of myself in the past few years and it’s allowed me to grow and nurture healthy relationships whilst also eliminating the bad ones. Ultimately, you are the most important person you have and you’ve got you forever.
